Indiana

by Matt H

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04:42

about

The Great Swamps is me, Matt Horowitz. I recorded this album in September of 2015, and on it I sing and play guitar and sometimes bass, banjo, ukulele, synthesizer, doumbek and a drum machine. All of the words and music on this album were also written & composed by me. My little brother Josh (he's 14!) sings backing vocals on Things Roll; thanks Josh!

(All songs are the intellectual property and copyright of Matt Horowitz, 2015.)

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released September 21, 2015

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Matt H Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Track Name: Don't Cut Your Hair
very buried in baggy clothes,
just what you think you're hiding nobody knows
but if you think that you're gonna die so soon,
you can be safe here in your room
it's your choice, the people that you see,
but they're not gonna tell you just who to be
and the only way that you need to grow
is to realize what you already know,
and don't cut your hair.

wake up, draw a picture, go to bed
wake up, do it again
stay up late way after the curtain falls
breathe the dust in from the bedsheets, mold in the walls
it's your choice, the people that you see
bodies of people that you want to be
floorboards screaming! eat a pop tart! go to sleep!
wake up, don't recall your dreams.
and don't cut your hair.
Track Name: Going Back to Indiana
I'm going back to Indiana,
Indiana here I come.
I'm going back to Indiana
'cause I've got more than enough here I can run away from,
'cause I am punk rock in my dreams
riding around on a greyhound bus,
valuing people and decentering things,
but in my real life I'm just this:
watching my hair recede in the rearview,
as I drive from the east coast to Indianapolis

And I can't deal with my desire,
and I can't forgive myself for being such a liar
grit my teeth and say it straight:
wake up another day and pray that the sisters of savings will save me from this car body that I hate!
'cause I am different in my dreams
growing my hair out as long as I want to,
as I stare at the scenery in my tight black jeans
but my dreams are strange to me
and I know that I'd be scared of them
if I took them more seriously, but I don't.

I'm going back to Indiana
Indiana, here I come
I'm going back to Indiana
'cause that's where my lover's from.
Track Name: Paul Bunyon
I had a dream that I was flying
I was naked & it was chilly
and I landed on a platform
with a doorbell, which I rang
and Britney answered, she was naked
and her face was The Mask
I was flustered, tripped and blushed
and then I fell down on my ass.
I was sitting on a flat plane
pink and blue and enormous,
the ground shook
and I looked up:
it was you only giant!
and you sat down on my belly,
and I woke up seventeen.

I got a phone call in the morning
I was crossing the state line,
unfamiliar number
New Jersey area code.
& I picked up
& I answered
& I thought that I heard you,
you were breathing
and not-speaking
and then you hung up the phone
I was driving Indiana,
green and yellow and rolling
and I made myself forget it
but I felt your heavy ghost,
lighting flames under my toes
and burning them to toast

I feel hopelessly far gone now
from that house in New Jersey
where I talked to you on speaker,
Britney sitting quiet there
but I see statues of Paul Bunyon
and I think you would like them
big and blue eyed
with a pickaxe
and I see them everywhere.
I like to think our ghosts just walk down Lafayette,
never stopping
never starting
talking about this and that
yours has Tripp Pants, mine has long hair,
they're both sixteen and that's that.
Track Name: Important
Our apartment
dark & tiny & red
I don't know what to feel when I look at you
sitting on the bed,
and even though I
can't fall asleep at nights,
I still feel happy in the daylight hours
most of the time,
& I am somewhere important.
I am learning about myself.
I am exploring new emotional horizons,
all while preserving my health
& that's very important.

Footsteps echoing
all the way down the hall
maybe administrative assistance
is not my personal call,
and even though the Grand Canyon
is precious time away,
I still feel happy in the daylight hours
most days,
& I am still somewhere important.
I am getting to know us
I am exploring our textures,
& learning more from you than I could ever learn
in Russian History lectures,
& that's very important.

I don't think I should feel so on edge
alone in my car
I wish I was happier
just to be where you are.

But I am still somewhere important.
I am living a real life.
Digging deeper into this dirt than I ever thought I would,
under my fingernails
cool and nice
and important.
Track Name: Ghost of Me
Don't remember what I dreamed,
but I remember you were there
three big spoons of Folger's grinds
out the door and race to work on time
white Chevy next to mine
red velvet warming on the inside,
and you are somewhere else
watching the red sun rise

what if I told you
that this is a lonely place?
I think that you know me
and i miss your face.

Skinny dipping in July
underneath the black Ohio sky
feels like another life
the water cool around me tight
plastic buttons make me bleed,
but somewhere I'm awake and free
and I am of the earth,
and I'm alright

and what if I told you
that you might be the ghost of me?
would you turn into nothing
or would you just be?

I am never gonna go back to the place that taught me the real truth about me because it already gave me what it was worth and I don't forgive it. Which is a shame, because when I think about it, I think of its grey lakes and haunted creeks and coffee-smell. I hope that this place with its huge shining sun and puffy mountains and warm winters and open plains inspires you to never come back.
Track Name: Sparse Matrix Technology
Wrote another sad song today
Felt grim and numb at verse #1,
and at the end I felt the same.
and I don't know what daemon holds my pen,
but I hope it's one that I am stronger than.

I wanna write a song that's fun and free
if I sing it right, it'll feel like a life
as told in A/A/B/B
when I sing it, it'll grow my tiny heart
but like always, I don't know where to start.


My therapist won't talk about Judith B. (this is a reference to Judith Butler)
but I'm looking for something,
and it isn't Authenticity
the self contains no hope for anything
it is a bad, bad reason for to sing,

But I-don't-want-to-sing-one-more-sad-song!
I don't want sad boys to throw
their heads back and sing along
so I've got to commit to something new
and listen loud and look for something true
and not-know-what-to-do.
Track Name: Things Roll
I woke up fresh in fear
blinked and everything was dark and clear
the clock read 4:00am,
grabbed the blanket, turned to face it
and I tried hard to go back to bed.

My bones are thick and dull
The air pushed on my skull
What did I do last night?
Thank God I got the text,
Natasha made it home alright.

Long shadows cross the walls
I stumbled down the hall,
Looked in the mirror for a minute straight,
Wondered when my glassy eyes
were gonna give up and roll off my face

Wanna switch from coffee to tea
Wanna be more like I used to be
Wanna drive my car to New Jersey,
come alive and feel the carpet fibers underneath my feet

The daylight pressed inside,
So I tightened up the blinds
But I saw the sun spill in,
Watched it settle on the carpet
and I felt a chill roll down my skin

My ghosts all chased me here,
I'm lighting candles so they disappear
Cause their haunted company
is worse & worse & worse & worse
than any loneliness could be

Russian sage flowers all in bloom
against the window of my basement room
feel like I thawed from ice,
but when you live your life like I have
sometimes this is the price

Things roll on,
all things deliver.

When I wake up tomorrow I will be brand new
Pray that someone's gonna show me what signals I should listen to.