late summer 15

by Matt H

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A mixtape I recorded on August 4th, 2015 in a backyard in Indianapolis, IN.

Recorded on an iPhone with Voice Record Pro

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released August 4, 2015

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Matt H Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

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Track Name: Sparse Matrix Technology
I wrote another sad song today
I felt grim and numb at verse no. 1, and at the end I felt the same.
I don't know what demon holds my pen,
but I hope it's one that I am stronger than

I want to write a song that's fun and free
If I sing it write, it'll be like a life as told in AABB
If I sing it, it'll grow my tiny heart
But like always, I don't know where to start

My therapist won't talk about Judith B.
But I'm looking for something, and it isn't Authenticity,
The self contains no hope for anything
It is a bad, bad reason for to sing

But I don't want to sing one more sad song
I don't want sad boys to throw their heads back and sing along,
So I've got to commit to something new
And listen loud and look for something true
And not know what to do.
Track Name: Car
I fight for territory with the growing mountains of crap
piled up
on my floor

There's deodorant,
some CD's, and a complimentary
checkbook,
for a bank account that doesn't
exist anymore

and I think,
how can this tiny car
stay standing?

no matter how much I remove,
it's never gonna stop expanding

My passive aggressive maneuvers with the growing mountains of crap
are escalating
beyond control

I can't make eye contact with the
complimentary checkbook
that I opened when our love was young
and it was whole

and I think,
how long can this tiny car
stay standing?

I watch and I watch and I watch,
never understanding
Track Name: Libra Rising
Sun rising at you on I-40 East,
San Fransisco to Columbus all swallowed by the beast
I've got two feet and a heart at least,
Trying to zone out, trying to find peace

I can see the material image of what I am to you,
If that's how you remember me, then what am I supposed to do?
Too strung out to think this through,
Baked beans warming on my engine fumes

And I asked you, are you okay?
'Cause you don't look so great.
And if you can't stand to look at me,
Then what am I supposed to say?

~

Libra rising in the celestial sky
As August ruthlessly assassinates July
And maybe love is a compromise,
But I think it's just a thing that dies

I can see the queasy shadow of what I am to you
I try to take it back, but shadows go where they want to
Wake up in parking lots
Look at the morning dew,

And you smell like God only knows,
And you need to fix your clothes
And when you get to Baltimore,
You're still gonna need a place to go.
Track Name: Orange & Black
My belly is rolling like the ocean,
my belly is rolling like a stormy sea
and only the early Mountain Goats mixtapes
from the 1990s
really understand me

Look out the window
not a drop of rain anywhere,
unfortunately.

I'm supposed to say I'm loneliest beside you
(right?)
but honestly I'm loneliest alone
I make sure my bike's locked up right
next to yours,
Orange and Black
ride my burden home

Not a drop of rain up in the sky,
I can wait.